I was inspired to write this narrative after listening to two women. On my lunch break, the three of us were speaking when one of them began to tell me about her recent experience dealing with a stalker. She vowed that she wouldn’t live in terror, despite how eerie and frightening it was. After she was finished, one of the other women quickly spoke about her own, likewise terrifying encounter with a stalker.
I questioned how frequent these occurrences were. One of them suggested asking other women you know. “I believe you’ll be shocked,”
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 15% of women and 6% of men have experienced stalking at some point in their lives. The Justice Department defines stalking as “engaging in a course of behaviour directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for his or her safety or the safety of others or experience serious emotional distress,” which seems incredibly broad.
Michael Kaufman and Michael Kimmel wrote in their 2011 book The Guy’s Guide to Feminism, “Although stalkers say they do it because they feel so helpless that they must take those desperate measures, it’s also because they feel entitled to, as if the woman is “his,” and he has the right to know everything she does.”
Therefore, it should come as no surprise that women are “much more likely than men to say that the stalker behaviours had caused them dread,” according to a study by H. Colleen Sinclair and Irene Hanson Frieze published in 2002. Additionally, according to a number of studies found by Sinclair and Frieze, “women are more likely to experience intimate violence and to perceive violence generally in close relationships.” Furthermore, Sinclair and Frieze pointed out that studies indicated that women reported stalker behaviour at higher rates than men. Women may report higher frequencies because one tends to pay attention to information that may be threatening to one’s survival because men’s acts are more threatening to women than vice versa, the researchers noted.
In a 2017 op-ed for The Guardian, the South African writer Tauriq Moosa went even further. The media “educate us that our feelings, our sense of entitlement, matter more than educating men to respect women’s boundaries, whatever painful rejection may be,” argued Moosa. “As guys, we’re trained to overlook women as individuals and instead perceive them as objectives to strive for, rejection as a challenge to surmount, and boundaries as walls to breach.”
Here is a real account, provided anonymously, with all identifying information except for the city of residence erased.
Park, Buena
I recently took first place in a beauty contest. I was unaware that he had been following me when I first spotted him. My sister and I were in the beauty section at CVS. He came up to me and commented that I reminded him of someone he had seen in the media. Because I had made so many appearances and been in the media, I didn’t think anything of it.
The second time I saw him, in the early morning, I was running. He started driving his car after me. He attempted to speak to me and attract my attention, but I rushed home. That terrifies me. I called the police the third time I saw him because I sensed trouble. They claimed they couldn’t do anything because he hadn’t threatened me, but it appears that they did speak to him and order him to leave them alone.
I believed that was it after two years of nothing happening. But later, when I was running, I noticed that he had begun to follow me. I panicked and fled to my house. I dialled 911 while locking the doors and closing the curtains. They affirmed that they would speak with him. I was merely attempting to leave a paper trail at that moment.
My then-boyfriend wanted to confront him after we learned of his address, which was in my area. There was no response when he knocked on the door of the guy’s home.
After that, he left me alone until I went to vote in my area about three years ago. When I arrived at the polling site, he wasn’t there, but he just so happened to be leaving when I was. He tried to capture my attention once again. I simply hopped in my car and sped off.
He once again pulled up to me as I was walking my dog and tried to attract my attention. At this time, I was just cursing at him and screaming for him to leave me alone. I wanted to be heard by everyone in the area. He flashed a startled expression before driving off.
Early in October, while I was leaving work, I ran into him again. I was waiting to turn left onto a big street when he came up next to me. I was worried since he now knew where I work. He also came up to me for the first time at night and on a busy street.
I returned home, locked myself inside, and once more pulled the shades shut. I now carry pepper spray and a Taser. I used to run at night, but I no longer do. I also never ran at dusk. Additionally, I change the time I leave when I go jogging to avoid creating a trend. I also avoid running close to the street where he lives.
